Morning
Coffee
Kittens dogs kids…. Ahhh not today the boy instead
Nice
So then up I go figure a little Facebook time alone with maybe some NPR…news and jazz
But noooooooooooo damn maintenance
I hate site maintenance its evil
Coffee craigslist… jazz soft news stories
And I try to leave him alone
To sleep but man
Life is boring without facebook
Not good
Alright maybe its just a great way to
AVOID
Dishesbillslaundrysweepmopcleancatsboxesgogogo
And this being denied bummer dude
Suppose I will drink another cup then
Shower clean get the girls
Kiss the boy goodbye
Pick berries make jam clean the house and continue the movement of my
life
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
20 Dollars
Walking, running
Somewhere in the middle
It flutters in front of me
I know and I’m excited
I pick it up as the figure slips into the house
My eyes dart around hoping the owner is gone
While I scoop it
Up and RUN
Forward to school
My mind is racing go home go to school
I stop by durn good and ask the man to watch it for the day
“ok it’ll be here”
off to school and I forget for three days
then I go and get it back
20$
now its been long enough I know its mine
this I take to Mexico and buy little girls and boys
chewing gum after school
Somewhere in the middle
It flutters in front of me
I know and I’m excited
I pick it up as the figure slips into the house
My eyes dart around hoping the owner is gone
While I scoop it
Up and RUN
Forward to school
My mind is racing go home go to school
I stop by durn good and ask the man to watch it for the day
“ok it’ll be here”
off to school and I forget for three days
then I go and get it back
20$
now its been long enough I know its mine
this I take to Mexico and buy little girls and boys
chewing gum after school
25 Things
25 things
1. I am happiest deep in the mountains
2. Having dry hands really freaks me out. If my hands are dry it makes my teeth hurt like nails on a chalk board
3. Lip care products are always on my person
4. I don't like to carry a purse...or anything for that matter
5. Once I threw a bunch of super bounce balls at Tears for Fears while they were attempting to perform
6. I hitch hiked to SF when I was 15 with my very gay boyfriend
7. PJ's are important in my life
8. Philip K Dick is my favorite author
9. Makers neat is what I want
10. Zombies, robots, aliens, and mass destructions are a few of my favorite things
11. Sometimes when no one is paying attention I drive to Port Townsend and back
12. Knee Highs are sexy
13. I do not believe in god
14. I only recently have started buying the correct size bra after much harrasment from people at work...which I still find weird
15. I don't eat or sleep enough
16. Nursing has taught me that I really dig crazy old people
17. I love my people and would do anything for them, seriously anything
18. For some reason I have lost my ability to stay warm
19. When my hair is in a super tight ponytail and my bangs are flat ironed I am smarter... its true
20. My kids want to live in Japan and France...I am planning on missing them cuz I think they really mean to
21. Nova really spoiled me and has ruined my ability to accept authority
22. I cant wear hats... they give me issues
23. I collect monkey related items for my bathroom
24. My dad took me to Peaches to buy records Dicks drive in for lunch and 45th Street Guild for movies on many saturdays as a child
25. All my dishes are white like a resturant
1. I am happiest deep in the mountains
2. Having dry hands really freaks me out. If my hands are dry it makes my teeth hurt like nails on a chalk board
3. Lip care products are always on my person
4. I don't like to carry a purse...or anything for that matter
5. Once I threw a bunch of super bounce balls at Tears for Fears while they were attempting to perform
6. I hitch hiked to SF when I was 15 with my very gay boyfriend
7. PJ's are important in my life
8. Philip K Dick is my favorite author
9. Makers neat is what I want
10. Zombies, robots, aliens, and mass destructions are a few of my favorite things
11. Sometimes when no one is paying attention I drive to Port Townsend and back
12. Knee Highs are sexy
13. I do not believe in god
14. I only recently have started buying the correct size bra after much harrasment from people at work...which I still find weird
15. I don't eat or sleep enough
16. Nursing has taught me that I really dig crazy old people
17. I love my people and would do anything for them, seriously anything
18. For some reason I have lost my ability to stay warm
19. When my hair is in a super tight ponytail and my bangs are flat ironed I am smarter... its true
20. My kids want to live in Japan and France...I am planning on missing them cuz I think they really mean to
21. Nova really spoiled me and has ruined my ability to accept authority
22. I cant wear hats... they give me issues
23. I collect monkey related items for my bathroom
24. My dad took me to Peaches to buy records Dicks drive in for lunch and 45th Street Guild for movies on many saturdays as a child
25. All my dishes are white like a resturant
Aunt Watch
Today I walked in and saw her in bed tired looks sick
Shes really sick…Nikka and Kevin hug me hard and long
We talk about stuff while I climb into bed with her im scared
You two are like sisters she tells me again how much she wanted me to stay
but I said no
later
its worse its going to end soon they say within days
heather she calls out you are not stupid why cant you figure this out?! Go get your dads medicine and kill me…squezzing my hands…. Please someone just shoot me
Here is the visiting room listening to Jack sing his songs strum on his guitar
waiting
living this moment my butt hurts cuz this chair sucks.
The sky is grey and drizzles rain.
People enter look around the room.
Some people sit down in chairs
and cry,
others hold them.
Some people talk about stupid things to pass the time.
The fish in the GIANT tank swim.
They have a massive collection of horrible VHS tapes but not one single DVD…
the nurse says to me “What do you think this is…a hotel?”
The girl in the pink coat has no idea what to do.
I don’t know anything outside of my cocoon while I am here it’s just this.
Lacy lays in her bed finally resting.
All I see are her feet and then
I feel bad like I might disrupt her by looking at her feet from the hallway.
They tell me it’s like trying to fall asleep.
So if we sit with her hold her hand be quite it still stops her from moving on. She can feel us and it keeps her here. I imagine I’m trying to fall asleep and people keep coming in the room. No matter how quite they are I still can’t fall asleep.
There it is. I’ll sit out here and live in my 3 foot area. Get up for more coffee.
Shes really sick…Nikka and Kevin hug me hard and long
We talk about stuff while I climb into bed with her im scared
You two are like sisters she tells me again how much she wanted me to stay
but I said no
later
its worse its going to end soon they say within days
heather she calls out you are not stupid why cant you figure this out?! Go get your dads medicine and kill me…squezzing my hands…. Please someone just shoot me
Here is the visiting room listening to Jack sing his songs strum on his guitar
waiting
living this moment my butt hurts cuz this chair sucks.
The sky is grey and drizzles rain.
People enter look around the room.
Some people sit down in chairs
and cry,
others hold them.
Some people talk about stupid things to pass the time.
The fish in the GIANT tank swim.
They have a massive collection of horrible VHS tapes but not one single DVD…
the nurse says to me “What do you think this is…a hotel?”
The girl in the pink coat has no idea what to do.
I don’t know anything outside of my cocoon while I am here it’s just this.
Lacy lays in her bed finally resting.
All I see are her feet and then
I feel bad like I might disrupt her by looking at her feet from the hallway.
They tell me it’s like trying to fall asleep.
So if we sit with her hold her hand be quite it still stops her from moving on. She can feel us and it keeps her here. I imagine I’m trying to fall asleep and people keep coming in the room. No matter how quite they are I still can’t fall asleep.
There it is. I’ll sit out here and live in my 3 foot area. Get up for more coffee.
Glass in Foot
Febuary 23
Go to the docs house to play games and have a drink or two and hang out in the hot tub.
Play games
Have god knows how many shots
Get in hot tub
Break bottle in bathroom
Step on glass
Apply pressure
Go to bed
Yeah so the next day I wake up in soooo much pain. Jamie spends several hours talking me into being seen
Jamie: “Alex you need to go get seen.”
Me “I’m fine.”
Moments later…
Me “Oh fuck.” I am laying still with my foot up and I yell out in pain.
Jamie “See”
Me “No I’m fine really it just hurts a little”
This goes on for a few hours
Next I try the fine art of walking
Jamie “Your limping”
Me “No really I’m just working on my gangster walk”
Jamie lots of mean words I don’t remember followed by “Your going to look real cute with a plastic foot…Here meet my friend Alex she wouldn’t go to the doctor so they had to give her a plastic foot.”
This goes on for a couple of hours
I give up get seen. They clean it out….clean out the glass and tell me to come back because if there is still a piece stuck up higher I will need surgery. See it was fine? I say all doped up on vicodin and antibiotics
Feb 28
UPDATE: Glass in foot part 2
The foot hurts like hell so I go to the regular doc.
Doc “Does this hurt?”
Me ”Yes”
We do this for a variety of interesting tormenting amazing possibilities. What is she doing some sort of study?! So I’m in tears when she finally stops.
Doc “You really need to get the glass out because it could migrate into the joint and cause damage or other places. It’s important to not leave it in there.”
Off to ultrasound.
Nothing deep just a few pieces on the surface which Becker already told me about.
Radiologist “There really isn’t any good exam to see glass but it clearly shows there isn’t anything in there.”
Did he really just say that?!
So I’m halfway home and Doc called she wants me to consult with ortho.
Go to Jessica’s house eat bagel bites watch NASCAR until the appointed time.
Ortho “Well there’s nothing in it so I think you may have irritated the tendon since the lac was so deep. Even if there is glass it will encapsulate and eventually come out.”
Okay so Doc says it could really hurt me and ortho says it wont matter at all.
Whatever I’m going home and having a drink! This is stupid!!
Go to the docs house to play games and have a drink or two and hang out in the hot tub.
Play games
Have god knows how many shots
Get in hot tub
Break bottle in bathroom
Step on glass
Apply pressure
Go to bed
Yeah so the next day I wake up in soooo much pain. Jamie spends several hours talking me into being seen
Jamie: “Alex you need to go get seen.”
Me “I’m fine.”
Moments later…
Me “Oh fuck.” I am laying still with my foot up and I yell out in pain.
Jamie “See”
Me “No I’m fine really it just hurts a little”
This goes on for a few hours
Next I try the fine art of walking
Jamie “Your limping”
Me “No really I’m just working on my gangster walk”
Jamie lots of mean words I don’t remember followed by “Your going to look real cute with a plastic foot…Here meet my friend Alex she wouldn’t go to the doctor so they had to give her a plastic foot.”
This goes on for a couple of hours
I give up get seen. They clean it out….clean out the glass and tell me to come back because if there is still a piece stuck up higher I will need surgery. See it was fine? I say all doped up on vicodin and antibiotics
Feb 28
UPDATE: Glass in foot part 2
The foot hurts like hell so I go to the regular doc.
Doc “Does this hurt?”
Me ”Yes”
We do this for a variety of interesting tormenting amazing possibilities. What is she doing some sort of study?! So I’m in tears when she finally stops.
Doc “You really need to get the glass out because it could migrate into the joint and cause damage or other places. It’s important to not leave it in there.”
Off to ultrasound.
Nothing deep just a few pieces on the surface which Becker already told me about.
Radiologist “There really isn’t any good exam to see glass but it clearly shows there isn’t anything in there.”
Did he really just say that?!
So I’m halfway home and Doc called she wants me to consult with ortho.
Go to Jessica’s house eat bagel bites watch NASCAR until the appointed time.
Ortho “Well there’s nothing in it so I think you may have irritated the tendon since the lac was so deep. Even if there is glass it will encapsulate and eventually come out.”
Okay so Doc says it could really hurt me and ortho says it wont matter at all.
Whatever I’m going home and having a drink! This is stupid!!
Shampoo
Went to target to get some shampoo
My hair is brown
I look around and decided to get some that is designed to accentuate your color
I’m pleased with my choice so I pay drive home and go to put it away in the shower so excited to see if it works
I set it in the caddy pull my arm away and read
HONEY BLONDE
And I laugh a lot
I am very special
My hair is brown
I look around and decided to get some that is designed to accentuate your color
I’m pleased with my choice so I pay drive home and go to put it away in the shower so excited to see if it works
I set it in the caddy pull my arm away and read
HONEY BLONDE
And I laugh a lot
I am very special
realize
Sitting in the kitchen
Clean, well enough for me
Sam
Thanks
Dogs outside sleeping and chewing
Son of a bitch I may have figured it out
These thoughts are slow but maybe
I can try
Clean, well enough for me
Sam
Thanks
Dogs outside sleeping and chewing
Son of a bitch I may have figured it out
These thoughts are slow but maybe
I can try
writer?
Open
Close
Sip
Too hot
Im too confused
Too tired
Maybe its too late
Shower
Lift weights
Excuses
Why is it only half there
Why can I start
But then it fades soooooo quickly
Sharp quick funny and gone
Frustrating
I suppose I should empty the dishwasher
Much easier
It seemed like a good idea when
I woke up
Damn it
Close
Sip
Too hot
Im too confused
Too tired
Maybe its too late
Shower
Lift weights
Excuses
Why is it only half there
Why can I start
But then it fades soooooo quickly
Sharp quick funny and gone
Frustrating
I suppose I should empty the dishwasher
Much easier
It seemed like a good idea when
I woke up
Damn it
workdaythesame
Last night she was convinced her implant burst…..but it hadn’t
He was sure a piece of food was stuck in his throat…. But it wasn’t
It seems some nurse didn’t do her job right… didn’t giver report forgot to stock something and the other nurse was pissed
Amazing how many doctors are “idiots”
Mock codes occur and everyone get flustered
But we do know what we are doing
He was fired cuz he farts ALL THE TIME but they told him it was his charting
A grown man has a panic attack thinks it’s the big one…. Oh wait he actually has swine flu
Exposed…… Again
Turns out the housekeeper told the doc to stop touching the nurse like that at work…everyone giggles
What happened?
I don’t know but they all seem to think I will
People are afraid they might get fired next
So am i
The machine of work
Chewing and grinding through us 12 hours a day one day at a time
Can you work extra? But you are not good enough
Don’t ever feel secure feel nervous be on your toes
And this is the good place to work
Why
The old woman on the back board and cervical collar wants it off….
I don’t care let me die, holds my hand
I love you she says over and over hoping to win my favor
But I still have to wait for the report to come back
Lunch or break maybe can I eat
Fox news blaring security guards want to make small talk
I learn more about the bad doctor who lived with the dead man and WTH he was a cardiologist?!
“whats up?” a smile walks in the room with food and friendship
rest eat revive and go back out
now the baby refuses an exam and the parents are okay with that
later I wonder if I should have called the police
next up bladder cancer and overbearing husband.
Drunk with an asthma attack- no I don’t think your cute
Then it slows the chatter starts the misfits go to one side of the room and ask me questions the others pretend they like me or care about my life
Im busy stocking for the day shift peeps leave me alone….
He was sure a piece of food was stuck in his throat…. But it wasn’t
It seems some nurse didn’t do her job right… didn’t giver report forgot to stock something and the other nurse was pissed
Amazing how many doctors are “idiots”
Mock codes occur and everyone get flustered
But we do know what we are doing
He was fired cuz he farts ALL THE TIME but they told him it was his charting
A grown man has a panic attack thinks it’s the big one…. Oh wait he actually has swine flu
Exposed…… Again
Turns out the housekeeper told the doc to stop touching the nurse like that at work…everyone giggles
What happened?
I don’t know but they all seem to think I will
People are afraid they might get fired next
So am i
The machine of work
Chewing and grinding through us 12 hours a day one day at a time
Can you work extra? But you are not good enough
Don’t ever feel secure feel nervous be on your toes
And this is the good place to work
Why
The old woman on the back board and cervical collar wants it off….
I don’t care let me die, holds my hand
I love you she says over and over hoping to win my favor
But I still have to wait for the report to come back
Lunch or break maybe can I eat
Fox news blaring security guards want to make small talk
I learn more about the bad doctor who lived with the dead man and WTH he was a cardiologist?!
“whats up?” a smile walks in the room with food and friendship
rest eat revive and go back out
now the baby refuses an exam and the parents are okay with that
later I wonder if I should have called the police
next up bladder cancer and overbearing husband.
Drunk with an asthma attack- no I don’t think your cute
Then it slows the chatter starts the misfits go to one side of the room and ask me questions the others pretend they like me or care about my life
Im busy stocking for the day shift peeps leave me alone….
writing
He said 90% would be shit
I listened
But what if its all shit?
I like it
I keep trying
It feels good
But it just WONT FINISH
Just starts
I start and start
And then just walk away
What is the purpose of that?!
Grrrrrrrrr
Paint my toenails
Theres something I can finish
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